Here in Canada, we are nearing the end of a federal election campaign. It has been a rather dispiriting affair for the most part. The incumbent, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, was elected largely on his image as a progressive reformer, but has often proven a disappointment in this regard. His re-election prospects were further hobbled by accusations from one of his own ministers of attempting to improperly influence a criminal prosecution, all this before embarrassing photos emerged from his past in which he wore brown face. His chief rival, Andrew Scheer of the Conservative party, has had to battle accusations that he has a secret social conservative agenda (which generally doesn’t fly very well with the average Canadian voter) and has not shown himself to possess sufficient charisma and vision to expand his support much beyond his party’s base. Then it was revealed that he is a closet American. The two left-of-centre leaders, Jagmeet Singh of the NDP and Elizabeth May of the Green Party have run strong campaigns, but have no realistic chance of forming a government. Possibly the strongest performance has come from Yves-François Blanchet of the sovereigntist Bloc Quebecois, which appeared moribund at the outset of the campaign but now seems poised to make considerable gains and, while confined to a single province, may end up playing spoiler to the two leading parties’ chances and holding the balance of power in the next Parliament. And, because it’s 2019, we have to deal with the existence of a far-right White Supremacist party.
As I said, not the most inspiring of options, which led me to thinking: If I could choose any political leader from the past or present to lead the country, who would it be? Rulers who created or consolidated vast empires, such as Alexander the Great, Qin Shi Huang or Elizabeth I come to mind, but I don’t think what the world needs is another empire. Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln provided steadfast leadership and oratorial eloquence at times of crisis. Franklin D. Roosevelt shepherded his country thru its worst economic crisis and, in the process, radically reformed the role of government in public life. Mohandas Gandhi and Nelson Mandela showed courage in the face of oppression and in the pursuit of social justice.
But since this is just fantasy, why should we be limited to people who actually existed? Why not include leaders from legend and fiction among our options? How about Biblical rulers like David, Solomon, or Moses? King Arthur? President Josiah Bartlet? T’Challa, King of Makanda?
The choices are many. However, in the end I settled on this man:
That’s President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, from the 2006 dytopian comedy Idiocracy. If you are not familiar with the movie, it tells the story of Joe Bauers, an army corporal who is selected for a top secret suspended animation experiment after he has been determined to be the most perfectly average person in America, including having an IQ of exactly 100. Unfortunately, the experiment is forgotten and he does not wake up until the year 2505, to find that the average human intelligence has devolved to the point he is now by far the most intelligent person alive. When President Camacho learns of this, he immediately appoints Joe as a special advisor to solve the many problems now facing the planet (e.g. a famine caused by the fact that people are not aware that crops don’t grow well when irrigated with a sports drink called Brawndo instead of water.)
Now, think about this. Can you recall any political leader saying, “You know, I don’t know anything about this problem. I mean, I’m just a lawyer/businessman/former reality TV star. So I’m going to appoint the top experts I can find to evaluate the problem, and I’m going to do what they say we should do. I’ll give them all the resources they need, and hold them accountable for the outcome”? I can’t. But that is just what President Camacho does.
It doesn’t matter how intelligent our leaders are, if they are not as smart as they think they are. We are better off with a stupid leader who knows how stupid he is, and is not afraid to admit it.
Such a man is Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. He may not be the leader we want, nor even the leader we deserve. But he just might be the leader we need. I only hope we don’t have to wait 500 years for him, because I’m not sure we have that much time.